forgiveness is forever
foundations are fortified
I am a fan of the television series, The Chosen, which deals with Jesus and his disciples. The episode “Confessions” deals with forgiveness. Matthew comes to Jesus regarding Peter’s harsh treatment of him. His past as a tax collector is the backdrop.
Jesus explains, “You don’t apologize to be forgiven. You apologize to repent. Forgiveness is a gift given from the other person.” He then adds, “Who harmed the other first?” Matthew responds with some abstract reasoning. But Jesus has him zero in on his fault in the matter.
Matthew offers this defense. “I want to keep the peace. Apologizing to him would only cause an argument. The group already has enough of those.” I want to keep the peace. How often have we heard that? How often have we ourselves said that?
Jesus wisely responds, “There is no peace when two of my followers hold resentment in their heart towards one another.”
Later, after Matthew attempts to apologize to him, Peter goes to Jesus and wonders how in the world can he forgive him? He begins listing Matthew’s transgressions. He gets up to 7. Jesus speaks of 7 as a number of completion. Okay, so Peter should forgive 7 times? No, says Jesus, “Forgive 77 times.” Regarding Matthew, Peter says he probably could go up to 77 if he kept counting offenses.
Jesus responds, “You know I don’t mean literally 77 times? 70 times 7 — completion times completion. Endless forgiveness, without limits.”
Peter eventually goes up to Matthew without speaking and hugs him tightly. After a few moments he says, “I forgive you.” Matthew starts crying. “It’s all forgotten. To the ends of the earth, right?”
These scenes are mainly based on Matthew 18, with Peter’s complaint about forgiving so much, but the lesson in chapter 5 is just as apt. If you sense that a sister or brother has something against you, go to them and attempt reconciliation. That was Matthew’s job.
There is an iconic photograph from 1957 in which Little Rock High School was being integrated. While Elizabeth Eckford, a black student being followed by a mob, a white student named Hazel Bryan is seen uttering hateful language. It became symbolic of white hatred.
Years later, Bryan tracked Eckford down to apologize for her shameful behavior. Eckford accepted her apology, but their relationship never got to the point Bryan would have liked.
I once spoke of this in a meditation, “Don’t Rely on the Photo.” How many of us have done something shameful? That is, actions by which we would protest having our entire lives being judged.
Imagine being summed up by the worst things you’ve ever done and being told, “This is you, now and forever.”
I imagine that’s part of what Jesus means when he says, “Do not judge, so that you may not be judged. For the judgment you give will be the judgment you get” (Mt 7). Putting each other into solid boxes, like insects stuck in amber, results in erasing the existence and power of forgiveness.
The theologian Lewis Smedes once said, “To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.”
Speaking of prisoners, the late Mary Johnson had ample experience.
Her 20-year-old son, Laramiun Byrd, was shot to death in 1993 by a teenager named Ohsea Israel. Mary visited him in prison and told him she forgave him. Prior to that encounter, years of anguish and prayer had gone by.
Mary embraced Ohsea in prison, and according to the article written about her, “Afterward, Johnson became hysterical, doubled over in shock, and kept repeating the phrase, ‘I just hugged the man that murdered my son.’ It was then, Johnson recalls, that she was set free. ‘I felt something leave me,’ she said. ‘Instantly I knew all the hatred, bitterness and animosity — I knew it was gone.’”
Even more remarkably, she came to call Israel her “spiritual son,” with him calling her a “second mom.” She said forgiving Israel in no way condoned what he did, “but that she did it to free herself of suffering. ‘All that stuff had to leave me,’ she said. ‘And the day I went to prison, I was delivered.’” The day she went to prison, she was delivered.
The Lord has come to set the captives free (Isaiah 61, Luke 4).
By its very nature, forgiveness indeed offers freedom to the captives, those in prison. That freedom requires Matthew and Peter, Hazel Bryan, and Oshea Israel to in their own way, lay down their arms. That is, to not willingly repeat the behavior which necessitated the need for forgiveness — the need to be pardoned.
Imagine planning an action which might get some pushback. I imagine we’ve heard (or said it ourselves!) that it’s easier to apologize after the fact than to ask permission beforehand.
So is that how we deal with forgiveness? We figure we’ll be forgiven; we will be shown mercy. We make that assumption. Perhaps the word better used is “presumption.”
On a related question, what effect does that have on promises? (If any.) I wonder, if we presume forgiveness in other matters, would we take promises as seriously? Thinking ahead, are we cynical enough to half-expect that political leaders won’t keep their word?
The foundations of trust are shaken. “If the foundations are destroyed, what can the righteous do?” (Psalm 11:3).
It’s a good thing there is one who has the solution when there is resentment among us. Forgiveness has the strength and the creativity to reinforce shaky foundations.
What a grace and gift it is to be able to utter three powerful and poignant words: I forgive you.
