troublesome
or I am the troublesome character
We had some fun this past Labor Day weekend. Actually, those who were the source of fun left in the morning on Monday. So the hijinks had already occurred before the day itself arrived.
I won’t go into the details, except to say that Banu and I “celebrated” our 28th anniversary in the midst of the (I’ll stick with the word I’ve used) fun. I put celebrated in quotes as an act of determination — loving determination, I will add.
And I don’t want to overstate the case. It’s not like the behavior was so outrageous, but it was more than a bit unexpected. There was a significant proportion who treated the place (a retreat center) as a frat house, as one who had already visited here said. Okay, enough talk of disrespectful conduct.
I had been pondering Paul’s counseling the Ephesians to “redeem the time” (Ep 5:16). Here are some thoughts on the subject I jotted down before bedtime the night after our anniversary:
— letting go of anger
— and from Abraham Heschel’s, The Sabbath
“Nothing is as hard to suppress as the will to be a slave to one’s own pettiness. Gallantly, ceaselessly, quietly, [we] must fight for inner liberty. Inner liberty depends upon being exempt from domination of things as well as from domination of people. There are many who have acquired a high degree of political and social liberty, but only very few are not enslaved to things. This is our constant problem — how to live with people and remain free, how to live with things and remain independent.” (89)
— pettiness only hurts me. Resisting the urge to lash out.
— to nurse discontent
— to actually extend grace
— the spiteful hope this weekend will sow discord in the family
— making the most of the time!
That bit about “the spiteful hope” was an especially shameful desire. Fortunately, once I admitted it and wrote it down, that wish quickly faded away.
On a final note, my wife Banu was saging throughout the building, clearing negative energy and invoking holy spiritual presence. (I helped a little, holding the burning sage higher toward the ceiling.) She noted how many times she had to relight the bundle.
“I call upon you, O Lord; come quickly to me; give ear to my voice when I call to you. / Let my prayer be counted as incense before you and the lifting up of my hands as an evening sacrifice” (Psalm 141:1–2)
